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| I'm all sorts of confused. Am I staying? Am I going? I had all these plans for how I was going to start next year, but after today, I don't know what will happen. I guess I should hold off on the planning and just see what doors God opens. I think, though, that right now I've set up two life scenarios where, while they both have their hardships, both also offer new and bright opportunities. My plan to start my life over and new elsewhere is now up in the air. It's funny because these two roads I've set up are so different. My life could dramatically change based on what life deals me. I hope I get the interesting route. No girlfriend with me on this journey though, but maybe it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else on this ride with me just yet. The girl will come somewhere along this journey. Hopefully I'll be ready for it, because I'm definitely not ready for someone new right now. When you lose a diamond, you don't start settling for lumps of coal. But anyway, I don't know why I can't stop tying and talking. Iron gym xtreme is awesome. I'm going to the doctor. Then I'm going to throw ten TDs on Thanksgiving, then cook dinner and eat on my own at home. No Vegas by myself. It'd just be sad. Then I'm going snowboarding. And then I'm going to cut my hair so I feel normal again. Either that or grow the hair out really really long and become an actor. Then I'm going to buy a new laptop, and that will be the last of all my big purchases. Then New Year's Eve will finally finally come, and it will be the last time I will feel sadness for a while. Then I'm going to try to go to Hawaii. Then by then, I'll know which route I will be taking in life.
And then I'm going to start a trendy pastry shop with Sam. This has an 18% chance of happening.
In the meantime, I will help Josh with P&R. And then I'm going to fulfill a promise I made to Joe.
This is my outlook. 95% of this will not happen as said, because I've learned that nothing ever goes how you plan it to go. But I'm beginning to like the spontaneity better. Bone out.
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| I need to go figure out how this whole life thing works. Because so far I've gotten it all wrong.
I hope my Jesus leads the way. And that I am courageous enough to follow.
"...your problem is that u think too much...u do too little. life is a relationship with God...not an academic analysis of/with God. talk to Him and do what you're supposed to do. and if u're not sure what to do...then do what is most right based upon what you know of Him."
Will do.
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It was nice to know you, if only for a while
You come and go with a sweet hello and a bittersweet goodbye
And if every new beginning is just another's end
Tell me, love, why should I begin again?
There you go again.
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I hope Regina never stops singing.
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Oh, how you fit me
Oh, how you do
You know that you own me
I'm head over you
I need to get out of here. Find somewhere I belong again. All over again. I'm numb. I want to feel alive again. Erase the past. Restart my life. New mic. 87mic. tbdmic. I've worn this old soul out. I have so much more to give. I wish you had stayed. You would have seen. But in this world tulip, you're out of my league. And that's ok. I'm not that naive. I just need to get my stuff together on my own. I don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. The silence haunts me. All in due time though. Life has a way of having time tell. For me at least.
Man. I'm out.
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Warm mornings at a breakfast place in Westwood. Del Taco, sushi buffet, and ball in Goleta and downtown Santa Barbara. Night on the Strip strolling in slow motion amidst the cacaphony. Warm afternoon walk in the city and the park in Manhattan. Going up the escalators in a department store in Taiwan. Sipping coffee in an outdoor cafe in Paris. Looking out of a window on a train in Europe. Relaxing on a beach resort in Thailand. Sipping beverages on a beach in Malaysia. Hot springs on a warm overcast day in Japan. Swimming on the shore in Australia. At night on the deck of a cruise ship enjoying the ocean air on the way to anywhere. Driving in Hawaii parallel to the coast. Enjoying the crisp morning air next to a lake somewhere. On a yacht in the tropics. A summer in downtown Anchorage eating at Chinooks. Shooting up to Portland and the green Northwest. Venice at dusk, the Dubai marina, Minnesota's Mall of America, Epcot Center, strolling by the Washington Monument, taking in a game at Wrigley and Fenway, catching the GSW in MSG, cajun food in New Orleans, BBQ in Texas, lobster in downtown Boston, riding the L in Chicago next to the waterfront carnival, breathing in the Grand Canyon, walking on a rainy night in London, and sipping PMT in the Bay. Eating sushi and steak and different food all around the world. I'm gone. | | |
| "It occurs to me, as it sometimes does, that this day is over and will never be lived again, that we are only the sum of days, and when those are spent, we will not come back to this place, to this time, to these people and these colors, and I wonder whether to be sad about this or to be happy, to trust that these hours are meant for some kind of enjoyment, as a kind of blessing. And it feels, tonight, as if there is much to think about, there is much we have been given and much we have left behind." | | |
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